I grew up as an only child, not the spoiled one though LOL, and I am happy about it. I enjoy my alone time, my independent, my space, plus I have a big family so I am not lonely at all. I also have a lot more compassion toward other people because I do not have any siblings and therefore I do not have to help anyone in my circle of family. I have time to help other people who needs me!
I also do not like to play with dolls, I prefer boys stuff, puzzles, board games, video games, reading books or being a teacher/doctor to my stuffed animals. I also love to play and pretend to be an FBI agent lol. I have more love for animals than kids, especially those who are crazy, loud, rude and crying ALL the time, in other word, annoying! I do not find it cute when other people pointed to a baby with a whole bunch of stuff on their faces, I just wanted to wipe it all off. Clean it up! This is just me and my own perfectionism to the max lol.
However, I did some nanny/babysitter job to help me paying my tuition and bills. So, I know what it takes to take care of kids and I am actually pretty good at it (or so they said, HA!)
I got married and decided to wait a couple years to have babies. It has been five years and I actually am content and happy to live childless. My problem is that I am a Christian, in a baby obsessed society, with a lot of judgmental people as well. I do not understand why some of my friends, who are Christian, married and having children, would look at me and thought that I am "less" of a woman because I do not have kids (yet). I am a woman regardless whether I have a child or not. A child will not complete me, a husband will not complete me, God complete me as a person.
Every time I do something with my husband, instead of being happy for us, they would say things like, "Oh wait until you have kids, you will not be able to do all of that!". I found it extremely funny because I have been taking care of children of all ages, including twins along with their other two siblings (they are my fantastic four kids lol). I also been taking care of infant since the day they were born until they go to school. The oldest one that I cared for is now in high school.
When I say babysit/nanny, I did everything with and for them from 8 hours a day to 12 hours to overnight's jobs. I was with them since the time they woke up to the time they go to sleep. I love each and every one of them. I taught them how to count, read, bath/shower, potty trained, making friends, paint, cook, sport, etc. I took them to park, school, courses, walk, gym, swim class, music class, doctor visit, concerts and flight for hours. I have NO problem and had fun with all of them! This is why I laughed so hard when people told me that I will not survive motherhood or that my marriage life will not be as "happy" when I have children. This is why: "IF I COULD TAKE SUCH A GREAT CARE OF OTHER PEOPLE'S CHILDREN, WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD I NOT BE ABLE TO HAVE FUN, ENJOY AND MAKE IT WORK WITH MY OWN KID?". I have friends who have babies/kids and have tons of FUN with their kids from hiking, concerts, flights, sports, etc. It actually depends on each individual.
I might not know what it feels like to be pregnant, but it does not take pregnancy to make someone a good mother. I know plenty of women who delivered babies and neglected, abused and abandoned them as a child and as they grew up.
I respect and honor those who chose to have no children because they know they are not up for it than those who get pregnant and then abandoned, abused, and neglected their children. There are so many broken souls on this earth because they have crazy, selfish, childish and unfit parents. I have seen those who only love the babies and let these "babies" grow up as a lost, confused and struggling children because the parents would not afford a good life for them. Why would you decide to have a child when you could not even afford your own life? This is why I, personally, think that waiting and consider it very well before having a child is important, unless you have it unplanned. That is a different case :)
Having a child means responsibility, sacrifice, money, and readiness as someone who could be their role model. Yes, you will be your children's friend, but being a parent also means you must be their mentor, the one who will show them what is right and wrong, discipline and love. The one that your children could go to when they needed something, moral, spiritual and financial guide or help. It means your life for them. Your life does not have to be over, but it will be limited to some level.
I am grateful that God allowed me to be a nanny in some point of my life, because it helps me with my bills, and it helps me to understand the parenthood's world. It makes me know a lot about what to do with infant to teenager's problem. I am forever grateful to all the kids I have been taking care of so far in my life. They are my life, my joy and my world. Their differences makes me able to understand what to do or how to make certain things work on different characters and situation.
Parenting is rewarding to many people, but certainly NOT to all. Having children could strengthened a marriage or broke it. Having children could make you work even harder or run away from your responsibility. Having children could mean the end of your life or the beginning of something new, whether it is for the best or worst, depend on how you view it.
I, personally chose to live childless for now, but it does not mean I am 100% sure about it. I think I still want to have a child of my own someday, but I just hope the society will not judge us, the people who chose to live childless, as a "criminal".
I have friends who called me and asked me if I have fertility problems and advised me to see a doctor, even though I told them, we have no fertility problems. I found it disrespectful and hurtful at the same time to act as if you know what is best for other people's life. I have a mother in law who could not stop asking on when I will be giving her a grandchild. Thank God, my mom never pressured me too far lol. I have friends who said that I do not know anything about a kid because I have no child of my own yet and therefore my advice on how to make your baby sleep through the night or eat better is not valid (I do that for a LIVING! lol). I have friends who are trying to give me advice on how rewarding being a parent is all about, mean while they could not even take care of their ONE child and they have an army of helpers. I am living in a foreign country, by myself, no family, and my husband works a lot in a civilian and military jobs. So, please understand that not everyone has an easy as A,B,C's life as yours.
My advice to those who chose to have children, please be respectful to those who chose to live childless by choice. Everyone has their own background, needs, visions, plans and priority. Do not treat them as a weird or bad person because they choose this lifestyle. Do not try to make them feel bad by saying "There are a lot of people who are trying to get pregnant and could not, and you chose not to have a baby?", because the more you say stuff like that, the more defensive and maybe angrier they get, because you are trying to make them feel bad about something that is none of your business.
Do not try to say, "You will change your mind once you hit a certain age" or "Parenting is so sweet and rewarding", because to many of these people, they have zero tolerance toward kids and they find no cuteness in a baby with bib and most of all, they just do not think that having a child is for them.
Respect their decision and life.
They are human being too and most of them are actually very sweet, smart and genuine. Accept them and also accept that they might not be doing well around your children because let's admit it, children can caused you a headache, imagine what it does to other people.
My advice to those who have friends with children and you chose to live childless is to let your friends know in a jokingly, loving way that you are just not into kids as much as they do, no offense. Understand that not everyone with kids are jealous with your child-free life, sometimes they just thought "you should try it maybe you like it" mentality, even though you will say, "Why should I try something that I know once I am in, I am in for life?". Because having a child is life changing and I am sure very rewarding and amazing moments for those who wants to have babies, so please understand why they want you (us) to have children. They wanted us to experience the happiness a child could bring, even though there are some of them who say it the wrong way. Sometimes it is how you say it that turned people off.
It is a two different world among those who have kids and those who does not have kids by choice. The other group think that we must be crazy to missed out having children, mean while we know exactly what we missed out and nope, we do not miss it at all. It is also important to keep on focusing on what you know is best for your life, disregard the hurtful comments because at the end of the day, you are the one who has to live with yourself.
A lot of Christian said that a child is God's blessing and it is indeed. But, how about those who could not have a child of their own? It makes them think that God does not "bless" them and therefore hates them for not giving them a baby they longed for a long time. Blessing is a strong but is used way too common in a Christian's community. Some people view their kids as a "curse" and not a blessing based on their attitude, bad habit and do nothing but troubled, even though they, as a parent has done nothing but the best for them.
Be careful to say that word to people who chose to live a childless life, because they might think that God does not care or hates them because they chose not to have a child. Remember that you might have a good life as a child growing up and not everyone had that happy childhood. Understanding that not everyone believes in God and saying those words makes them hates God even more. I, personally, do not think God will punish me for living a childless life for now. I believe that God could use anyone for anything. What about women like Mother Teresa who did nothing but good for God's kingdom and chose to live childless yet helping so many children and being a "mother" to a lot of motherless children?
I chose to live childless for now and I am happy with my decision. My husband and I have no fertility or marital or financial problems, we just chose not to rush into parenthood until we both are ready. He will make a great dad and I will make a great mom.
I am not worry about my body getting fat because I used to be a chubby kid and I get into a small to medium size clothes now and a size 4/6 pants. I am not worry of what to do when I have kids, I have plenty of experience about it. I am not worry about my husband lack of parenting skill, because he is the most brave, independent, fun, handy, hard working and caring person I have known.
We have sponsored a lot of kids all over the world, we have been volunteering to help children in our community. So, we are not against children or selfish, but we are more about when the time is right and when we know this is the right time. I have no regret of my decision for waiting to have babies, because it is better to get to know your spouse first before adding a new person in your life, while you do not know each other that well. I am not worry of my biological clock or others are saying or thinking of me. If God granted us a child someday, I'll be happy and if God does not give us a child, and I'll be happy as well.
BUT,
for now ..we stick with the terrier mix dog ;)
Here are some good articles to read:
xoxo,
Lindsay
