According to
Merriam-Webster ,
TRUST means:
a. assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something.
c. a property interest held by one person for the benefit of another d. (1) a charge or duty imposed in faith or confidence or as a condition of some relationship
(2) something committed or entrusted to one to be used or cared for in the interest of another.
I underlined and bold some of the words that I have found helpful and important for me to understand the word, "TRUST", and to make me value the true meaning of trust itself.
A dear friend of mine asked me to blog about this specific issue and I found it interesting because trust is something that everyone knows so well, yet so many of us failed to do it very well in our everyday life. Trust does not just for human, it is also a word that animals understand in their own way. When an animal trusted you, it means they let you become a part of their life and they will do anything for/with you. They know you mean no harm to them and they "feel" that you will not hurt them. Sadly, so many times, these human failed them. Unfortunately, we tend to do this not only with the animal but with each other, human to human, family member to family member, friend to friend, co worker to co worker, and the list of relationship continues to piled up.
Why is it so hard for some of us to fulfilled our promises?
Why is it so hard for many of us to trust other people or learn to trust again?
What a funny quote, right? I laughed when I read that quote because I hate raisin (don't judge me, I don't like them!), but many times when I go to some bakery store, from the outside window, the raisin cookies looks like chocolate chip cookies, which I love, but when I got closer or when I eat them, then I realized, they are raisin and not chocolate chip cookies.
We have the same problem trusting people. So many times, before we confide in them with our problems, we see them as something that we think/assume is nice, trustworthy and like-able. Just like the raisin cookies, LOL. But, as we get closer to them, we then taste the real character of that person. FAKE. A WOLF IN SHEEP'S CLOTHING. CRAZY. LIAR. BACK STABBER. GOSSIPER. USER. SELFISH. BASTARD. A-HOLE, and the list goes on and on.
A person started to trust another person ever since we were babies. We started to trust the woman who breast fed us, the man who picked us up, the hands that fed us, put us to sleep in the crib, the voice of lullaby, the fingers that tickled us, the familiar voice-face-hands of our parents and caretakers. But, when the parents/caretakers failed to gain our trust, we tend to grow up as a person with "trust issue."
As we grow old, we are more exposed to the true meaning of trust itself. When we trust someone it means we believe in them, we have faith in them and we have hope that this person would be able to help us out or at least will be able to be who or what we expected them to be as a person. As our relationship grows and expanded from home, family to school to work place. From family to friendship. From a parent's love to a boyfriend's love to spouse's love. From myself do it all by myself to share it with our co-worker and work environment.
I am an introvert person, which makes me a person of secret. Yes, I do not trust people easily. I am an only child, and I have been taking care of myself and fulfilled my needs since I was a kid. I can do anything by myself and I am satisfied with it. People shared their secrets with me, confide in me, and nobody knows my secrets. I chose to keep my own private life only to myself and if I have the urge to talk, I tell it to God, or those people that have the right to know about my situation, my mom and my husband. My dog actually knows a lot of my secrets because I talk to him. The good thing is that my dog will not be able to tell other people about it. The bad thing is that my dog will not be able to help me solving my problems, LOL.
I am also a very perfectionist person, a good and bad thing collide, that makes me want to please everyone. The bad news is that nobody can please everyone and nobody can do anything perfectly. I love helping other people solving their problems. I love to give my 110% when it comes to work, ministry, school or relationship. It brings pleasure to me when I could help someone with their problems, either being a good listener, a problem solver, or just using my two hands helping others. I love sharing what I know and I will do it anytime to anyone. The problem is that not everyone appreciate what I am doing and many of them are using it for their own advantages or benefits. I have learned it a hard way and yes, I have trust issues, and no..I do not want to not having trust issues. It is great to have filter, standard and awareness when it comes to the word, TRUST!
I have learned that people made mistakes, some of them grow up and becoming a great person today and some of them remained a child and became worst than the last time I knew them.
I have experienced betrayal, unfaithfulness, selfishness, taken advantage of, mistreated, and feeling like a victim when I was a hero to that situation. I have helped people who then turned their back on me.
I shared my secrets with people who then turned that secret to judge me, based on their "faith to God" , the self righteous Christian who do nothing but judging others based on their sins or family sins, and who thinks they are closer to God because they pray more or they sin less than other. Don't get me wrong, I honor and respect those who pursue righteousness, purity and holiness before God. But, those who truly doing that are those who is also humbled, wise and loving other people. They are the people who says, yes it is a sin, but forgiveness is available for those who truly seek repentance. Yes, it is wrong, but God can help you out with these steps. Yes, you screwed up, but I could help you with your problems. Yes, it is wrong and there will be consequences but God and I will be here to help you. The self righteous Christian, using their so called faith to judge/gossiping about other people and start their conversation with, "Let's pray for A, she is (fill your secret here)", and ended it with "She must never pray, fast or read the Bible and that is why she is cursed. God must not bless her..oh holy Jesus, if only she knows how to pray and stop doing that awful sin." Amen! :)
I also learned that when we worked with or for somebody, we all have our limits as a human being. Nobody can force us to work overtime and underpaid. Nobody can tell us to do work that is not ours to do. Nobody can taking advantage of us for their own benefit and after they got what they wanted from us, they turned their back on us and pretended that we are no longer existed anymore. Selfishness is a bad character and childish. Have a ball to end your relationship the right way, so that we all could move on with our lives. Sometimes, people just need appreciation!.
Here are some tips for all of you who have trust issues:
TRUST in God first and foremost. Confide in Him, all of your burdens, secrets, fears, praises and sins. When you think that you need someone else to talk to, find someone that you trusted for a long time. Someone who always been there for you, through thick and thin. Someone who already knew you long before you were successful, someone who understand the real you and knows how to talk to you, comfort you and pray for/with you. Someone who will let you know when you are wrong is also important so that you will not walk into a wrong path, just because your "friend" is too afraid to correct your wrongdoing. If you know your friend is about to have an accident, would you tell them not to go through that road or would you support and encourage them to chose that road?.
The more we live, the wiser we have become if we really let God shaped us through everything that happened in our life. May it be our best or lowest moments. Everything that we have experienced are God's way to teach us to be more aware of what life might offered us. Even when the closest people hurting us, mistreated us or victimized us, God remains the only one who will never do any of those things to us. Life WILL get better when we let go. Life WILL get better when we learn no to do the same mistakes twice. Life WILL get better when we move on.
Do not let your past failures dictates your future. Do not let your present circumstances also defined you as a human being. Life is a journey that we must embrace and enjoy, not hating every single second about it. Don't let other people brings you down because of their lack of humanity, humility, love and wisdom. We are a better person than them when we do not do what they do to us and when we forgive them as our God did for our sins. I am a big believer on forgiveness and for some people, I did forgive them but I don't trust them and I live with that just fine. Live your life!
Yes, you will have bad experience regarding trust. Yes, you will find it hard to trust others again. But, it is important to know your real and true strength in life. God must always be your foundation. He is our solid rock, our refuge, our hiding place, deliverer, savior and hope. Put your faith and hope in Him.
You must also see yourself as someone who deserves the best treatment from others, respect and trust yourself!. Find and define your talent, strength and weaknesses. If you know what your strength and weaknesses, you will be able to stay the heck away from those who will break your spirit and trust.
People who pretended and treated you as if you were never there for them, are either embarrassed of what they did to you, hates you because you are too good for them lol, or get offended because of something that you said/did to them. Sometimes, when we said or do the right thing to help other people, they can not handle the truth and instead of setting them free, the truth imprisoned their souls.
People who are taking advantages of your goodness, creativity, ability, skills and your best are those who do not supposedly have to live with you anymore. Set yourself free and let them go. If you are stuck with them, at least you know not to trust them anymore. Do what you can to help according to your ability, time and the kindness of your heart. But, do not feel obligated to fulfilled their needs while they only do that to you because they want something from you and gives nothing in return. Again, just because you forgive someone, does not automatically means you should trust them again. On the other hand, try to build a relationship with those that you like, love and trust. No human should remain alone in this world, we are a social creature. Be very careful and very wise!.
There is a time for everything, including to be a "martyr/hero" or not. At least, be a martyr or a hero for something or someone who deserves your best. Like they say, "Do not make someone a priority, when you are just an option to them." (ouch!).
Finally, at the end of the day, it is just you, those who matters the most to you and God. At the very end, it will be just yourself and your maker. Make sure you live your life wisely, picky and cherish the moments that matter the most to you.
Say what you want and be who you are because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
- Dr Seuss
Have a great weekend everyone! Keep calm and trust God, yourself and those who has been there from the day one!
xoxo,
Lindsay
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