Identity Crisis

I LOVE MARRIAGE LIFE!

HA!

I mean despite the fights, the hectic schedules we both had or whose turn to take the dog out's conversation, I actually love marriage life. I love the companionship and friendship that my husband and I have the most, even though my husband is a "non talker" kinda guy, but he is cool. I cannot stand a very talkative man anyway, it is too annoying for me. 

I know I am too young to give marriage advice or to even talk about how to make your marriage work and I am not here for any of that, because I believe that everyone's marriage life is different.

I JUST WANNA TALK!

First years of my marriage I found myself lost, because my husband is the only man that I've dated who is younger than me (gasp) and we've only dated for one year (with him being on deployment). It was a fast, fun and crazy love. So, when we got married, it was actually our real date. We found things that surprised us in a good and bad way, we sees things differently and there are questions of "Am I doing the right thing" or "What was I thinking" moments.

I also find an identity crisis! HELP!

OK, my husband is a white man, I am Asian. We have different background of cultures, foods, habit, family upbringing, etc. The great thing is that my husband is in the military, which means he LOVES to learn about other culture, eat different foods (he eats more spicy/hot foods than me and I am Manadonese, we eat extremely spicy/hot foods), eager to visit different places, longing to live in a different places - which is why we move a lot and loving it!. I mean, we are young, we should move around and enjoy life to the fullest. 

But, I found myself doing things that I hate, but I do it anyway to make my husband happy. At least that's what I thought, but then I realized that there are so many things that my husband introduced to me that I used to think I hate it. I guess he brings out the potential, the goodness out of me. I do not  like trying something new (unless it is food lol), my husband is adventurous. I hate hikes, due to its intense hills, sunburn and bugs. But, guess what? I am loving it now. I hate hardcore music and one day my husband took me to "Sleeping Giant" concert and I love it now. I still do not like extreme roller coaster, no matter how much my husband loves it. I still do not wanna touch a snake, no matter what my husband think of a snake. I still hate cherries, my husband loves it (I do love cherry fruit, I do not like them on my drink/cake). I learn some "geeky" stuff, since my husband is one of them, I love some, understand some, hate some, don't understand a lot. LOL!

My point is that in the beginning of our marriage, I am still trying to adjust the two worlds. I had to brave myself up to try the things that is foreign for me or weird or sounds discomfort. There are things that I finally love, there things that I still hate. You don't have to like all of your husband's hobbies, habits or friends lol, but you learned to let go, compromised, acceptance, sacrifice and get your own bargain..uh huh ladies..you do A for him, which means he will do B for you. It works both ways to be happy ;)

So, remember, just because you are in a relationship, it does not mean you have to be boring. What I meant by "boring" is that you do not wanna do something new because you had one bad experience or because of your insecurity. Try it first, if you do not like it then tell him/her, but you might be surprised of your new found love. 

Do not do it in the name of "trying to fit in" or to look/sound cool on Facebook! Do it because you want to try it. Do it because you like the challenge. Do it because you want to find out what you have been missed all this time. Do it because you are curious!.

On the other hand, do not lose your identity either. God creates us unique in our own way, you do not have to be someone else to make him/her happy. Don't do something just because you want them to be happy and losing yourself in the process. Yes, we must sacrifice a lot of things in a relationship, but it does not mean you "killed" yourself. Stay true to who you are as a person and find what truly makes you happy. 

There are things that we do that I hate, there are things that he hates, but along the way, we started to find out what works-what does not work, what needs time, how we do it, how we say it/introduce it to our spouse, when we do it and how to understand that sometimes not everything that we love would works for the other person. Instead of pushing him to love your hobby that he hates, why not doing things that you both love?.

Sacrifice is needed but remember of who you are as person. Do not lose your identity! Be happy, be proud and celebrate yourself. On the other hand, open up and live a little..try new things, even things that you are afraid of or hate, you might love it, you might not, but hey..you have tried!

Do not limit yourself or your family! A lot of kids do not try new things because the parents are "boring" , doing the same thing over and over again. You might not like it, but your spouse might like it and your kids might love it too, but they will never know it because you might limit the fun meters. Sometimes you just need to let go and not being too afraid of everything. If you are a control freak, like myself, then it is time to learn that you can't control everything. If they (spouse/kids) wanna do something, let them try it and if you wanna do something new, do it! :)

-Live Life To The Fullest-

Me and my man on my B'day!

xoxo,

Lindsay