Saturday, December 6, 2008

Fear To Fall In Love AGAIN?

I think that LOVE is the most beautiful word in every languages, my reason is simply because LOVE is not just a word,its also a beautiful feelings,a wonderful thing to experience.



Love can be found in almost anything even in hatred, love and hate collide. 

Ring a bell anyone? LOL. We can find love in a person, a thing or things, ideas, food, natures, animals, hobby,etc. Love is a universal language to express what we feel about something or someone we really like. Love is an expression of the heart itself, that is why the word LOVE is so meaningful and yet can be hurt sometimes.

When I think of the word LOVE, I think of affection, intimacy, sexual, touch, sacrifice .. something that connect the feelings and the action into something beautiful, something adorable, something nice, something amazing AND more than words can say.

People said we have “forms” of love, by forms I refer it to different kind of love, even though I believe that the source of love is God (God is LOVE), but we apply different action depending of which form.

There is a love that exist in the family member, friendship, couples, things, stuff,etc..those are the forms I was talking about. My love for my country is a different kind of feeling with the love I have for my family or my husband, dogs, etc, even though the source of love comes from God himself. We feel it, we act because we feel it first.

Love triggers our action toward something or someone.

I wanna talk about the kind of love that we have when we like someone, we fall in love, in love and then hurt because of it. Now, I know that some of us are smiling now and some are probably have teary eyes reading this blog, just because you know and understand what I mean. I will write this because I have been there :)

Human needs other human being to interact, to play, to share, to talk to/with, to hang out, to do stuff together, to think, including someone to love. It is in our nature that we have the needs of companionship, the needs to be love and to love, to eat, to be fulfilling, to feel good, etc.

It is in our nature that we need someone else. I think God made us that way so that we will understand the word “love” each other. Imagine if God made us with no needs or feelings, we will be like a robot and a doll walking alive with remote control. God made us that way so that we understand that at the end we need God, there is a point in your life when you know nobody and nothing can help you BUT God.

Ever been in love? I have and I still am till this very minute *blushing*. Its an amazing feeling to feel it, if you never been in love, you should try it LOL. However, we dont always get what we hope for or what we want, what we need in life, its just a cycle of life, a lesson in life.

I like some guys and been in love with some of the lucky guys LOL, but we never been a couple, we were only friends. Some are never even know that I used to like them or love them in a way. Teenagers, we have crush, we like that boy, we think love is a Cinderella story with a happy ending..LOL..

Dating 101 “Love is not a fairy tale”

Ever been in love and the end is not a happy ending?

Now,this is why I wrote this blog, because I have been there and I know that there are a lot of people out there still living in fear. A fear to love again or even just to fall in love again. Usually this happens when we really love and TRUST someone and they betrayed us. Its a normal feelings to feel hurt,sad and hard to move on BUT its not OK to stay living that way.


I have some guys that I’ve dated, but only few of them whom I really cared and loved. I know the feeling of being the one who got dumped and the one who dumped, this is the good news: most people had experience it, we are not the only one.

Now, I am gonna give you some tips that you might want to consider of doing it,when you are afraid to love again,when your heart have been broken into pieces,when you lost without him or her,when you think you cant live without him or her,I hope it will help you realize that life has more than just “it” , whoever or whatever IT is for your life :)
MY TIPS:

1. Its not you, its him/her, BUT sometimes it is you.

Many people fall into trap thinking that they are the “bad” one, made most mistake and they drown into that feelings. Sometimes its not you, its him/her who made mistake, who cant control themselves, who is mean and retarded. BUT,when you broke up with someone and it hurt so bad, its OK to think or try to find what you did wrong and IF you find some stuff that you think might be the reason why he/she left you,and those stuff is not good, then maybe you should try to change it. Be a better person inside and out. Do a self introspection.

2. Physical Appearance is not everything but you can do something about it.

Many girls when they got dumped by a guy, they cry and think that the guy left them because they are not as pretty, sexy, hot, whatever compare to the other girl. Which is sometimes true and sometimes not. Even supermodels got dumped,and surprisingly so many times they guys dumped them for the “less” attractive girls :)

What does it say to you? every human being has their own unique sides. The lips that you hate might be the lips that made him down to his knee. The extra love handle on your hips that you try to get rid of for 30 minutes cardio at the gym might be the reason he like to hug you. The dark skin that you try to make it lighter might be the reason he cant get his eyes off of you. My point is God created each and everyone of us with His own creativity. If this world full with white people only, it will be so boring. If this world full with black hair only, it would be super boring. That is why we all have our own skin, hair, eyes, lips, body and brain. Dont blame yourself for not being “pretty enough”. Instead of blaming yourself, why dont you love yourself and treat it like a princess? Go to the gym, work your body, make it sexier than Tyra Banks LOL. Do something with your hair,or wear something different,try some make up on (or put it less make up LOL). Go to the internet or magazines and look at the fashion do and dont's, pamper yourself, you are already beautiful,now its time to make it attractive!


3. Stop crying and go out!



Its OK to cry, sad or even feel the earth move when you got dumped. BUT its a big NO NO to keep crying for months or even years, blaming yourself, God and others for a guy or gal. Of course sad is normal because we just lost the so called “love of my life”,but hey if he is not by your side today,it means he is NOT the love of your life anymore. There is a reason why he or she didnt make it to your future,its because they are not yours,so why bother crying for someone who doesnt even think of you,or worst remember you. If they cannot see the good things in you,the love you have for them,it means they dont deserve you. Crying for months, weeks or months wont help you solve your problem. Sometimes crying makes us feel good, but too much crying makes my eyes sore,and yeah lost the appetite for food, which is bad. When we broke up, world turns upside down,cant eat cant sleep cant go on..but hey..life must goes one. Stop crying and go out. When we go out, we see the world outside our own little dark box fills with “me myself and I..oh and that guy”! When we go out we can see the bigger picture of life, there are others less fortunate than us. There are people who loves us, depends on us like our friends and family, see the world, experience it, feel it and who knows you might get lucky with the next “love of PRESENT life” lol
4. Make the best things for your life

If you dont wanna jump into another relationship yet,its OK to take time to think,to feel free by being single fab and loving it,BUT dont waste your time do nothing. Instead of thinking about your past life, broken heart ,etc. Why dont you do something good for your life and future? try go to school, work and earn money, save money ,courses, do your hobbies, hang out with people that your ex dont like before lol, workout, make new friends, etc.

Its good to have a life,but its better to have a good life :) SO get busy with your life, do fun stuff, come on..go out and start living your life!

5. Share your stories with others when you are ready

There is a huge satisfaction when you can help someone else,but how can you help them out if you dont know what they going through? I cant give out some tips if I dont know what it feels like to be broken heart. Sometimes God allows some things to appear or to happened in our lives so that we can be a blessing for other people who has the same problem that we had.

When we find a way out,its good to tell others how you do it. Share your stories when you are ready,if you are an introvert like me,you probably dont wanna share the details of the story,but you can tell them how you survive the life,not just about your love story but also about every story of survival you have been through in life,you can save a life today!

6. It is NOT the end of the world,it might be the beginning of your world 

I wrote something in my blog about “sometimes the beginning of a great thing is not a great thing at all” means sometimes when we start something in life its not always a great start,it might be a painful experience,it might be a failure experience,it might be a bad experience,but those “bad stuff” is the trigger for us to move, a wake up call for us to try something new, a beginning of our new blessed life :)

You never know what future holds,dont give up trying. Losing someone is the hardest thing in life,but losing yourself while you are alive is the worst thing in the world. You might be thinking that you cant live without him,but the truth is you can,and trust me..breaking up with that person might be the best thing that ever happen in your life.

7. God is not punishing you, He is saving you.

We see the outside, we will never know the depth of someone else’s heart, I might know what my husband is thinking or feelings, but I dont know that for sure, I cant read his mind, I dont know what his motivation or planning.

But, God knows, understands and sees it through, nothing is hidden in God’s eyes. So,If you break up with someone, instead of thinking that God is punishing you, knowing that God is saving you for the disaster you are about to have in the future. I would prefer hurting now instead of the rest of my life.


8. Life is a choice to make,every wrong decision leads to a wrong actions.


You cant ask God to change you and you dont wanna change at all. Be careful of what you are wishing for,sometimes we wish life is a fast food lanes,but life doesnt work that way,life is a process of learning, growing and moving on.

Every time we make a decision, we make a choice, we determine our own future. When we make a decision to take a job, you are the one who will be doing it. When we make a decision to marry someone, you are the one who will be forever with that one person, so that is why be wise of making any decision, any choice we make will have impact to our own lives, make sure to make the right decision.

Many times, God is not the one who put ourselves in that dangerous zone, we are and when God is trying to save us from that zone and so may times its not fun, its hurt. Picture this when you are in a burning house, will it hurt when you are saved? yes ,hurt at first, burn here and there, losing property, etc but your life is saved, you are no longer being a “fried chicken” in that house. Every rescue has a different M.O. God’s MO sometimes means you have to let go even when it hurts, but its for the best.

Now, it is up to you to either choose to live your life happily or drown with sadness and memory that will take you nowhere, make a decision now, help is there, all you need to do is grab it!

9. Let a memory remains a memory.

Its OK to keep a photo album, gifts or everything that have a memory value between you and him/her,but if that makes you sad, angry or think any negative thoughts, then its better to threw it all, send it back to him or keep it in a place that you will never see/visit LOL.

Dont listen to any songs you use to listen together, any movies that brings back memory, roads, or places that reminds you of him..dont go to that road. If you think that its way too hard to live in that place, move to another city, start a new fresh life, so many times it helps people to start all over again.

10. Don’t run from your hurt,deal with it and move on with your life! 




Past is past ,there is nothing we can do to change it, but future is not happening yet. Your future depends on how you live your life NOW. Deal with your hurt, cry, being sad, bla bla. But then you have to realize that life must and will go on with or without you wanting it or not.

When we deal with tragedy, we must have the strength beyond our own to help us through it. The number one source is GOD. Without Him, I dont know how I will ever learn to live again. I wont be able to forgive, I wont be able to move on. He made it all possible for me to move on and live my life now with the man I love the most. Number two is your family and friends who loves you, they will help you through tragedy. Number three is things you love to do, serving others, sport, pursue your career, gardening, design, cleaning the house etc. It helps you to relax and enjoying life.


11. Forget..Can We or Cant we?

I always remind myself that I am not a computer, I cant just delete my files and throw it on recycle bin and pooffs ..its disappear, life doesnt work that way. We wont forget things that happens in our life,
unless we got amnesia or something related to our brain to function properly.

I am a believer that we cant forget things in life, I have a great memory about everything in my life. This is the tips of the day, its all in our control..what does it mean? Everything you have in your brain, you can control it, you can control your thoughts, you can control your action, you have the power to do it.

We might not have the power to change the past or forget it, but we can control it to not blocking our present and future life. We are able to turn the bad memory into good memory, instead of thinking how much he hurt you ,think of how silly he was when he wore that white ugly shirt or think of how he give a positive impact for your life or whatever positive thinking. We can control it, cant change it but can control it!
12. Forgive and move on



We might not be able to forget things, but we are able to forgive. Forgiveness is the best medicine for this case. Learn to let go, forgiveness is not just saying “I forgive you” but really mean it. Forgive means you dont blame him anymore, forgiveness means you dont wish him die or break up with that girl.

Forgiveness means you wish him the best in life not the other way
Forgiveness means you dont talk bad things about him anymore. 
It means we are willing to move on with our life. 
Forgiveness is a choice that only you can make. 
To forgive is to make peace with yourself and letting go!

13. Praying and keep the faith


Praying is a powerful way to heal yourself. There is a healing in prayers including a broken heart,there is a way out,there is a satisfaction,there is a freedom without burden when we pray. God will lift our burdens up when we pray and let Him do it.

Pray for yourself and the person who hurt you, it helps me to love that person back, not as my boyfriend but as a soul who needs God. Read books that will help you get through your life, books that will increase your faith, listen to great songs that will build your faith, dont listen to a crappy sad songs lol

14. Dont jump into relationship when you are not ready

Many people think that the medicine to love again is to date again..it is true..but its all about TIMING. Are you ready to love again? are you ready to let go your past?.

Many people made mistake by dating again and then ended up hurting the people who actually are serious or worst love them, now here is some tips for those who wanna date a broken heart woman/man:

 “Make sure they are ready and not using you or making you the transition love”
Transition love means you are the guy/girl they use to get pass their hurt, 
they dont love you,
they just using you to gain revenge,
to show off,
to satisfy themselves,
to make them feel better,
in control,
denial,
And..
When they dont need you anymore,
they will dump you..
remember that in “broken heart people” world,
they are the victim,
and in this transition time,
they refuse to be the victim,
they play the role of the one who caused the pain,
sad but true :(


15. Understand that he is not your ex, stop comparing!

Now, if you are ready and in a relationship with a new man/woman, do NOT compare them with your ex in a bad way. Everyone has their own strong and weak sides. Love them for who they are, because they love you that way as well. Comparing is the worst feeling in the world, because you cant be him and he cant be you. So dont compare your present lover to your past lover, that is why date a person that fulfill your dream or at least have 75% of it lol.


16. Love is NOT blind,you need your eyes to see!



Use your heart and your head aka brain! Dont love the wrong person, if he love you for your body/sex only or money, then dont date that guy, if you know he is playboy, then dont date that guy, if you know he is not ready to make a commitment, dont date him.

If you know he is a bad influence in your life, dont keep dating him, if you see he is abusing you, why stay with him/her? Be wise, keep your eyes ,brain and heart wide open to see if he really loves you.

How? how he/she treat you everyday, is there enough love ,respect ,honor and faithfulness? Is there any sacrifice, is there any positive out of it? See ,think and feel before its too late.

Dont allow yourself to be a victim. People say that if you get hurt the first time, it might be his fault ,but if you let him hurt you twice, its your fault!


17. Live, Learn and Love.


People make mistakes, we learn from it and we move on. We try not to make the same mistake twice, experience is a great teacher, learn from it. Love is a wonderful word and feelings, dont be afraid to like someone again, to love someone and to be in love with someone who deserves your love. We live only once, why not enjoying it with people we love and love us back?

Stop wasting your time with self pity, get up and live your life!


18. Time

There is a time for everything, there is a season and a reason for everything.



I hope it helps. I know its not easy to love again, but I know life is way to short to waste without love. I am glad and thankful that I found the love of my life. Ryan is the BEST thing that ever happen to me. He is far from perfect, but he is more than I could ever ask for. Learn to love again or at least learn to let other person loves you back :)

(All Images Are Taken From www.photobucket.com)


xoxo
Lindsay,
San Fancisco 2008

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